Wildlife

The braces wearing National Health specs sporting 10 year old and member of the RSPB was unleashed during our first few weeks in Singapore as we saw kingfishers in the gardens around the pool, hornbills in the trees above us and some sort of sea eagle type thingy along with various birds of prey soaring in the skies above our apartment.  It caused such excitement.

That said, like a good sweet juicy mango, these things are all seasonal and I have not seen a kingfisher or a hornbill in four months. 

I have seen two dead mice and a good many pigeons, my London nemesis who have clearly followed me here to make my life an ongoing ducking hell.  Pigeons are like bats.  Bat's we all know pretend they have sonar so we think they are as clever as whales, but like pigeons are unable to fly without brushing your cheek with their diseased wings or take off without caressing the top of your head with their horrid little clubbed feet. 

So, while Singapore probably has one of the best zoo's in the world, free roaming orang-utan's, giant panda's, white tiger's and a host of other wonderful creatures and we had a fortnight of seeing some terrific bird action locally, the last month of my life has been spent dealing with a variety of less welcome infestations.

First we had strange tiny black scarab type beetles all over the place.  They were rather crispy to touch and I spent most of three weeks picking them off cupboards, walls, floors, just about everywhere.  Luckily, I found the source of the problem was the fact they were breeding in the brown rice that clearly cannot cope being stored in the humidity.  In the bin it went.  The little bugs however seem to have made a home for themselves somewhere inaccessible within the cupboard, so we are still seeing them around.

Then we have the giant ants which we traced back to a hollow door frame in the bathroom.  It was quite a shock when I stumbled into the bathroom in the morning half asleep to then relieve myself and find four huge ants in the toilet.  At 6am, it is plausible to think they fell out of your body.

We also have some tiny little itsy bitsy teeny weeny insects that run single file from our balcony into the living room skirting the wall.  They are rather annoying as you don't really want a thousand insects however small in your house.  However we tolerate them as we have noticed they provide a valuable service.  

I live with two nail biters who not only bite their nails but spit them out.  We found a small pile of said bitten nails collected in a heap in our bedroom where these little creatures had collected them. 

My solution to all of this is petroleum jelly of which I am going through tubs.  Blocking up holes, vents and gaps.  So far it seems to be working as we have found a few little bugs trapped like Frodo in Shelob's web.  We leave them there as a deterrent to future insects that try to take us on.  Our own version of the Tudor’s Traitors Gate.

Furthermore, I am sure you are thinking the fact I have these infestations is due to the fact I have a dirty house.  I can happily reassure you that I have a cleaner who comes once a week and does a mostly crummy job.   

Yet, I don't want to be one of those women who is too lazy to do her own housework and then moans about her cleaning lady.  I am so ashamed of my laziness that when she comes over I sit on the balcony with my laptop, phone and iPad and pretend I am a stock broker who works from home.  I even wear my glasses so I look more cerebral.  I sometimes call my husband with regard to something like what we should do for dinner and say a few things loudly in a business voice.  Drop a few "touch bases" and "bathing level reality checks" in for a bit of convincing office bull.  

I am sure she can see through my facade given when she looks over my shoulder I am invariably on Facebook or watching Homeland.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is I do forget occasionally that even though Singapore does have the architecture of Canary Wharf on acid it is still located in South East Asia and Asia is hot and is a playground for the insect world.  It will continue to be a battle ground I fear but as long as the ones who are useful continue being useful clearing up toenails and not getting into my food stores I am happy to share my apartment with them.