Mass Murder

Following my death by fugu poisoning slump last week I entered week five of living in Singapore with a spring in my step.  We had a lousy Friday and Saturday which requires an entirely separate article but our Sunday was probably our best so far.  A fantastic day at East Coast Park cycling as a family in one of those weird canopied shopping trolleys with bicycle wheels and two baskets in the front to store your children.  We had a super feed of chilli crab and then a lovely stroll along the beach counting the hundreds of shipping containers who have their own particular style of terrifying grace and then back home for a well earned swim after the days sweatathon.

By Monday, we realised that our 6 year old daughter's ability in the water had improved hugely given she can now swim faster than me (well, that isn't really anything to crow about given I only doggy paddle) and was therefore deserving of a super new snorkel.  It was purchased and applied to the child and she took to breathing underwater with it like Potter on Gillyweed.

On Tuesday we had another lovely day.  Lunch in the village followed by a trip to the cinema with a short diversion to buy fins to match the snorkel and less exciting; an epilator. This contraption has been owned by me for three days now and I am too scared to use it given the instructions talk about the pain, redness, swelling et al that one can go through on the back of having the hair ripped out of their legs one at a time with tweezers.  I am also worried that the constant pulling of the hair might pull my veins out and I will end up with varicose veins as well as hairy legs.  I am not entirely sure I know how one gets varicose veins.  Anyway, I have spent a small fortune on this item and being a bit of a simian it is a necessity as shaving is becoming a nuisance.  I digress.

So, to sum up, Sunday to Tuesday were most jolly.

I did notice over the last two weeks that my daughter had been very pensive and in fact had been looking really quite sad.  I thought she might be going through a similar dip to me but being of the opinion that six year olds are rather simple minded I was sure all the distractions, outings and activities would be enough to help her ride out these fun but aimless weeks until our sea freight arrives and school starts.

As it turns out she is a bit more complex than I thought.  On Tuesday night after our really lovely day she sloped off to bed and when I went to kiss her goodnight she had tears in her eyes.  When I asked her what was wrong she started sobbing saying she wanted to go home, she wants her friends and she is really lonely.  It was a heartbreaking moment for a parent, as even though she is a drama queen, these were not crocodile tears.  We both felt so bad for her.

Unfortunately, there is little we can do other than continue to keep her busy.  My clever husband suggested we went back to England for a few weeks to which I responded with the contempt that comment deserved, "this is the reason I did not want to come out until term ended as two months with no friends, no focus, no routine and no stuff from home is incredibly tough for the kids as well as for me".  As you can see, I do try to protect his feelings as much as possible.  Furthermore, as much as I love home and do miss it I don't think I could cope returning to the post Murray jingo madness and now the royal baby sickophantia (that spelling was deliberate).  Think I would rather be a bit down in the dumps here than bilious at home.

Anyway, after the drama of Tuesday night she seemed better on Wednesday but I did notice that she was displaying the symptoms of fugu poisoning.  We had depression and now she had moved to anger.  She has been repeatedly bullying her little brother very violently I might add and on Wednesday while in the pool having a splash about she splashed me so aggressively that I did think for a minute she was trying to drown me.

This took me back to We Need to Talk About Kevin which is a fantastic and terrifying book and for those of us who have children were almost certain that if we had not had children prior to reading that book, we would not have had any at all.  I never thought that she would be capable of mass murder.  I thought my son was a better candidate based on his toddler years.  But after her recent behaviour and aggression towards her brother and to me I can only assume that I will end this week tied to our balcony with a bunch of arrows in my face.

As we do near the end of this week I think her desire to murder us is still there but following our second excellent trip to Singapore Zoo on Thursday which always promises a different experience, she seems a bit happier.  This is because she got to play in the aqua park, feed and stroke the kangaroos and the white rhinos, which was awesome.

My plan for the next three weeks, while my hubby is travelling with work, is to keep taking them back to the zoo so they can feed as many different animals as possible as that seems to be the one thing that keeps her happy.

Of course, whether my husband will get to China next week is another matter.  He has a very important meeting today presenting to the CEO of the company.  Colleagues have flown in globally to see this address to the President.  Not one for great emotion or conversation regarding work he has been very nervous about this presentation as I assume anyone would be when presenting to the Grande Fromage and his Babybel's for the first time.

I helpfully wished him good luck this morning as he left and encouraged him to take his little carry-on bag with him just in case he gets fired and needs to get his taxi straight to the airport and not be allowed back in the house.  In which case we will be coming home too, so Eleanor will get her wish to see her friends again, Arthur will get to see his Grandparents as they are really the only people he would choose to live with and I get to go back to my house to sit there without any of my stuff for another eight weeks as it is all being unpacked in Singapore. 

It would be a bit annoying if he did get sacked as we have just booked two holidays.  A short break in Bintan and its neighbouring island Botox (that's not true) and an October vacation in Bali.  After huffing and puffing about organising holidays last week, having actually done it now, is a good feeling.  It does make a difference having a few vacations in the diary as it provides a focus and I think that is all we need at present.

In two and a half weeks we should have our sea freight and in the meantime I have booked Beavis and Butthead into a five day summer camp next week to play tennis.  I am hoping five mornings of sport will wear them out, give them a challenge and provide Kevin with somewhere to grunt, hit and smash other than in the swimming pool or on her brothers head.  But most importantly give me three hours a day respite from the thought that one day I might find some autopsied rodents in her cupboard and a pistol.