I am converted. As of 2012 and a glorious ten days in St Lucia I now worship The Lord High Priestess of not having to drive anywhere, carry no cash, feed not my own children as they will be feedeth whenever required, by someone else and bask in the heat with gentle breezes, that is the joy of the Caribbean islands All Inclusive get away. My confirmation occurred these ten days gone after spending a similar sojourn in beautiful Antigua.
I never realised how sloth and gluttony were ambrosia for the soul.
Ten years ago, if anybody suggested a holiday by the pool in the heat near the beach we would have slapped their faces. We were adventure travellers. Climbing mountains, trekking great paths, exploring the great outdoors, sucking up culture, architecture, history everywhere we went, spending as much time in the earths most wondrous natural environments and going native.
The years 1999 to 2006 saw the Elizabethan Golden Age of low maintenance living and high holiday spending and we were very fortunate to have the means and opportunity to pretty much see every place in the world that we wanted. Of course, this was while all our friends bought nice houses and we still lived in a cupboard. But who cares! We were young.
By 2006, we had exhausted our must see places list
and had reached that point in our marriage where we were bored of each other
and needed another distraction. So in 2007 as Hurricane Dean ravaged the shores
of Hispaniola and Martinique it also brought us a bedraggled stork carrying our
first child. Number two arrived a couple
of years later and with him came the European villa holidays. Preserve of the
scared middle class parent.
I am not knocking villa holidays at all. We had two amazing trips with our small people to Tuscany and Provence but five villa holidays and three cottages down the line and we were most certainly jaded with it all. We missed the adventure which we were not brave enough to continue with the children and frankly going abroad to go to the supermarket, cook at home for King and Queen fussy, do laundry and drive around to see very nice churches and castles blah blah was frankly, not getting our freak on! The banality of life was following us on holiday and was still costing thousands of pounds for the privilege. We were in a rut.
So, we swallowed our holiday snobbishness and considered All Inclusive. We decided on the Caribbean as they seem to have the art down to a fine tea, it was a comparatively short flight, so manageable with small children and was going to be dang hot in Spring.
I have to say, I don't think you can possibly love your children more when they are impeccably behaved on a flight and we have been so lucky as three long haul flights in the last two years have witnessed our little folk be applauded by neighbouring passengers for being so quiet and good. We didn't even illegally dose them with Night Nurse. Even the pilot didn't get congratulated for keeping us from falling out of the sky, but our two angels were the talk of the town. Of course, five minutes later in the immigration line they turned feral again and all soppy eyed adoration evaporated.
I was asked frequently when talking about our holiday if we were putting the children in a kids club. I am personally not a huge fan of kids clubs. I believe for the irritating eights to the puberty riddled teens, they are wonderful in the balmy climate of the Caribbean as the children can get their highs from zip lining, sailing, kayaking, snorkelling, windsurfing and learning some wonderful skills. For the under eights, the children tend to be kept in some sort of photographic dark room sticking pasta shapes to their eyelids, only to be let out twice, on an hour release for a disinterested swim and some ice cream.
I don't want to put the children in kids clubs. I know everyone says they make friends with other children, but if you have met my children, you will know they are socially inept, so with the exception of making a nice bead necklace, I don't see the point of keeping them stored away.
The main reason is because I enjoy my children so much on these vacations. I am mostly horrid to them and vice versa for 355 days of the year so when I have ten days when I have nothing to do but wash myself and eat, our relationship blossoms. The children are a joy to be with and I have realised how chores and routine ruin family life. Anarchy is clearly the answer and I wish I was bohemian enough to do it but being a boring conformist I know after these ten days we will get back to the old routine of school, cooking, driving, avoiding chores and growing old before our time.
Boffins of childhood state that the early years should be based on play. However, this is only stipulated in the case of the children. What about the parents? I think five years off from work, a maid and chef thrown in and a stint in the hot house at Kew Gardens would do nicely for harvesting well balanced happy children and parents.
Having petitioned the government for such a change in maternity and paternity benefits in the UK and not having had a response in the last two years, we will have to instead console ourselves with doing what is effectively an ultra-expensive pool holiday each year to be a happy family. It is worth the price.
I am not knocking villa holidays at all. We had two amazing trips with our small people to Tuscany and Provence but five villa holidays and three cottages down the line and we were most certainly jaded with it all. We missed the adventure which we were not brave enough to continue with the children and frankly going abroad to go to the supermarket, cook at home for King and Queen fussy, do laundry and drive around to see very nice churches and castles blah blah was frankly, not getting our freak on! The banality of life was following us on holiday and was still costing thousands of pounds for the privilege. We were in a rut.
So, we swallowed our holiday snobbishness and considered All Inclusive. We decided on the Caribbean as they seem to have the art down to a fine tea, it was a comparatively short flight, so manageable with small children and was going to be dang hot in Spring.
I have to say, I don't think you can possibly love your children more when they are impeccably behaved on a flight and we have been so lucky as three long haul flights in the last two years have witnessed our little folk be applauded by neighbouring passengers for being so quiet and good. We didn't even illegally dose them with Night Nurse. Even the pilot didn't get congratulated for keeping us from falling out of the sky, but our two angels were the talk of the town. Of course, five minutes later in the immigration line they turned feral again and all soppy eyed adoration evaporated.
I was asked frequently when talking about our holiday if we were putting the children in a kids club. I am personally not a huge fan of kids clubs. I believe for the irritating eights to the puberty riddled teens, they are wonderful in the balmy climate of the Caribbean as the children can get their highs from zip lining, sailing, kayaking, snorkelling, windsurfing and learning some wonderful skills. For the under eights, the children tend to be kept in some sort of photographic dark room sticking pasta shapes to their eyelids, only to be let out twice, on an hour release for a disinterested swim and some ice cream.
I don't want to put the children in kids clubs. I know everyone says they make friends with other children, but if you have met my children, you will know they are socially inept, so with the exception of making a nice bead necklace, I don't see the point of keeping them stored away.
The main reason is because I enjoy my children so much on these vacations. I am mostly horrid to them and vice versa for 355 days of the year so when I have ten days when I have nothing to do but wash myself and eat, our relationship blossoms. The children are a joy to be with and I have realised how chores and routine ruin family life. Anarchy is clearly the answer and I wish I was bohemian enough to do it but being a boring conformist I know after these ten days we will get back to the old routine of school, cooking, driving, avoiding chores and growing old before our time.
Boffins of childhood state that the early years should be based on play. However, this is only stipulated in the case of the children. What about the parents? I think five years off from work, a maid and chef thrown in and a stint in the hot house at Kew Gardens would do nicely for harvesting well balanced happy children and parents.
Having petitioned the government for such a change in maternity and paternity benefits in the UK and not having had a response in the last two years, we will have to instead console ourselves with doing what is effectively an ultra-expensive pool holiday each year to be a happy family. It is worth the price.
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