Formula 1

We are moving up in the world given this Formula 1 blog is not about the French B&B but that game / sport thing when men drive around in low cars really fast for two hours.

The Singapore Grand Prix is starting tonight with the big race taking place on Sunday night.  As we refuse to pay for anything slightly expensive when it comes to ourselves we have bought the cheapest tickets to walk around the most boring part of the circuit in the dullest section of the Grand Prix area with the headlining music act of the night being Jedward.

I have absolutely no interest in Formula 1 racing. However as we will only be in Singapore for a short amount of time we felt we should get into the spirit of it and go for the experience which as I am sure you can tell from my opening paragraphs, I am clearly doing.

I know nothing about Formula 1 other than everybody wears red and it is very loud and there are lots of busty blonde women walking about.  Again, boobs, noise and the colour red are not really up there with my most fun things in the world.  Yet, in two hours I will be humping my way across Singapore to see what the fuss is all about.

I feel about Formula 1 as I feel about golf.  Although, I remember having a rather nasty flu many years ago during the golf Open and as I could not get off the sofa, watched the entire thing and actually rather enjoyed it.  Given I have never watched golf since I can only assume my enjoyment was due to the fever.

The only redeeming feature of Formula 1 racing for me is the "cars going really fast" bit.  I actually quite like cars.  I know nothing about the mechanics but I do appreciate their aesthetics and I do like driving fast.  This was very apparent to me when I hired my Fiat wheelchair in the UK this June and watched old ladies on bicycles pulling off at the traffic lights quicker than me.

There is definitely something about having a powerful car.  As we got older and more child encumbered we gradually dropped down the rung on fancy cars.  Most people as they get older and have more children and get towards their mid-life crises tend to upgrade to rather fancy premium brands however we went from a BMW to a Volvo to a Toyota to the Fiat spaz mobile of this last summer.  The next vehicle we are hiring will be a Winnebago and frankly there is no recovering from that.

I think the other thing that annoys me about Formula 1 is I imagine most Formula 1 drivers to be knob heads because I can't see how else you can manage such an expensive piece of machinery without having a certain amount of arrogance and having seen a few interviews with Lewis Hamilton who seems a humourless prat I am fairly sure I am right.

Yet, the prat bit is what interests me most given the fact I myself get very excited at being able to put my foot on the accelerator and leave those suckers at the traffic lights behind.  I also think with the exception of about two women I know who don't enjoy driving that the rest of us ladies do like a bit of speed.  And I think this is due to the "inner prick" in all of us.  Men and women alike.  Basically, I am talking about testosterone which we all have coursing through our veins and is particularly heightened when we get behind the wheel of a car.  Scientific fact!  Testosterone isn't much fun when as a lady you have to shave your back every few days but when it kicks oestrogens butt as you park yourself behind the wheel of a fast car, my goodness it is a thrill.

I think this is true of me given at the Farnborough Airshow I actually cried a little when the Eurofighter Typhoon left my ribs rattling as it stormed past.  And yet, when we did the walk around later and saw the pilots posing by their planes there was no question they were assholes.  Admittedly, tanned, cool uniformed, aeronautical experts but assholes nonetheless.

Please don't take offence to my fruity language.  Both of those words are in the Highway Code appendices under "Dealing with Confrontation and Road Vernacular" and are therefore quite alright to use in this blog post.

Anyway, I think the inner prick in us all does enjoy that feeling of power even if it is tearing off at a roundabout to come to a standstill in traffic five seconds later.

I am hoping I will enjoy the Formula 1.  I am not going for the music as this year's lineup includes J-Lo and Robbie Williams.  Many a wonderful drunken night has been had singing Angels out of tune extremely loudly but sadly Robbie Williams seems to think he is Frank Sinatra these days and I really can't face listening to him sing constipatedly about "being like you hoo hoo".

No, tonight I am just going for the racing because even if you are a middle aged mother of two, sometimes you just feel the need .... the need for speed.