Aotearoa Part IV - New Years Eve

It's December 31st and after a frenetic day in bustling vibrant Queenstown which consisted of two excellent luge runs from the top of Bobs Peak which overlooks Queenstown and the dazzling turquoise waters of Lake Wahitipu and the best "feeesh and chups" I have ever eaten from a questionable looking but highly recommended shack on the lakeshore we found ourselves in a DOC campsite by the lake. It was very busy, I guess due to the fact it was New Year's Eve, with loads of large groups of young men playing music very loudly and as we are in an Australasian milieu, "hooning" around.
 
Anyway it wasn't quite the relaxing atmosphere we have been used to at the scenic DOC sites so far. The final straw was when the noise got even louder, four pit bulls on strings appeared and the blokes started drinking their beer out of a hose.
 
Guess you get gribble the world over and as snobby as that might sound, I don't care. As Billy Crystal shouted in City Slickers as he was dragged through the scrub by a spooked cow "I'm on vacation!", we stuck two fingers up to their youthful merriment even though most of them looked about 30 and headed out on to the road again at 8pm.
 
I do believe things happen for a reason and the reason is the photo below. The joy of freedom camping which is allowable if you are in a self-contained meth mobile which we were and are within freedom camping zones, means you can pull up anywhere and settle in for the night. 

We found the perfect spot. Just us nice flat gravel bed, elevated position, exquisite views of the mountains and lake which we would never have seen if we hadn't left the campsite as we did not intend to head further up this way on our trip.
 
So while I imagine the gang of hoons are having great fun drinking petrol out of their engines and probably fell into a coma by 10pm on New Year's Eve, I thank them as due to their loutish behaviour, we are now staying at the best camping spot so far.
 
We decided we might go back to the original site at 7am while they are sleeping and loudly drink orange juice out of our waste water hose or take our Rice Krispies right up to their windows!! Yeah ... See how they like it. 


I found out recently that some of The Fellowship of the Ring was shot at this campsite.  It was the scenes when the Fellowship make camp by a river after leaving Lothlorien, Boromir goes doolally, Frodo and Sam split from the group and they are all attacked by Sauron's mutts, to quote from Tolkien directly.  I can only assume some of the Uruk-hai extras went method in 2001 and were still hanging out at the campsite 13 years later. 

Next Week:  Fiordland

Aotearoa Part III - Glaciers

The next leg of our journey took us into Glacier country.  This is the home of Mount Cook and the Franz Josef & Fox glaciers. We stayed at a nice campsite in town but surrounded by lush rainforest. Yes ladies and gentlemen, a rainforest in town! Gotta love this country. This campsite was the location of my first shower after three days of humming and as that hot water cascaded onto my grubby bod I felt reborn.  The simple things really are glorious!
 
As the kids were too young we could not take them onto the glacier for an ice hike which was a shame. The only way to get onto the mountain and see the whole glacier was by taking a helicopter up to the top, 5000 odd feet off the ground for a ten minute play in the snow. Needless to say the price was tasty when I reserved it but we had come all the way and I really wanted the kids to see the glacier up close, not just from the front.
 
That said, the two hour walk to the front of the glacier was extraordinary. It has cut such a huge chasm that the valley walk was incredible. Sadly the ice is receding significantly like most of my male friends' hairlines. However, unlike them the poor glacier can't comb its hair forward to hide the fact so it is just receding its way back up the mountain side.
 
On the morning of our flight which was booked for 10am we woke to find the weather drizzly and the cloud very low. I had a bad feeling we would not be flying. I was right. The weather here is so changeable and apparently helicopters can't fly and land if it's cloudy, rainy dopey or grumpy.
 
By 4pm we were fairly despondent when we were turned away again even though the weather seemed to be brightening but the choppers weren't landing. Finally over the course of the day and four reschedules later we finally took to the air at 6.20pm. It was worth the wait. 

I have been in a helicopter before but a big chinook style thing when I was in combat in Vietnam (going to the Scilly Isles) but had never been in a normal bubble copter before. It was one of the most thrilling things I have ever done. The kids and I were as excited as those women who follow Benedict Cumberbatch around the world to see him on chat shows. We were actually whooping clapping and jumping up and down and shouting "oh my god... oh my god" much like those sad pathetic women do, ahem, I mean those loyal fans of his do, as we headed to the helicopter. It was the complete manifestation of being unable to contain oneself. When on earth did I last whoop?
 
Anyway it was just fantastic and landing on the top of this empty mountain covered in deep powdery snow with the most amazing views was other worldly. The real joy was the kids' faces. And I certainly had face ache by the time we got back from smiling so much.
 
Unfortunately my face changed after we returned to camp and on my camera going round the kids who wanted to see the photos, I found my one video that I took as the copter took off from the mountain and flew back down over the glacier had vanished. After much jumping up and down shouting "oh my god .... oh my god" and no whooping I found out my youngest had deleted it because "he didn't like his face in it". I was so upset. I still am. I hadn't even watched it. I know I experienced it but I am getting old forgetful and dense and really wanted that memory on film.
 
That night the children wanted to sleep above the drivers' cab which is accessed with a ladder. They are probably a bit too young but we thought it would be okay. My husband asked who we should put at the open end as they were more likely to fall out and hurt themselves. It was an easy choice.
 
Tomorrow we have a five hour drive south to Lake Wanaka and the time has come for some dirty work before we leave. My husband said that he would do all the driving, sort out the gas, electricity and water refills along with all the other drudge jobs if I empty the toilet waste in the morning. This is probably fair given I filled it the most with about five nervous excitement wee's before our helicopter flight.
 
It is beginning to honk in there too so the time has come. I have to say I am less offended by the smell of ones deposits than I am by the stink caused when they combine with the chemicals in the waste container. It really makes your toes curl.
 
I might make Arthur empty it tomorrow as punishment for deleting my video but he is such a klutz he will just end up dropping it and probably staining his whole body with blue loo. 

Next Week: New Year's Eve

Aotearoa Part II - Campervanning

Campervanning is a fab experience. I was tiring of villa holidays in Europe not because of the locations which were wonderful but just having to shop, clean and cook on holiday thereby making it feel not like a holiday at all. 

I have to say I don't mind cooking or cleaning or washing up in our campervan and I think it is because it's so small and such a novelty. Everything is so compact and neat and there is always that slight element of surprise. Will the sink drain? Won't it drain? Will I have to empty it with a saucepan? What is that smell? Isn't incredible how this broom just clears up all the grit and dust in seconds making for clean feet in the camper. It all just adds the fun into the functionality of chores. 

Furthermore, one of the most interesting quotes of our holiday came from my husband that could only have been asked if we were in a campervan and sitting high off the road. "I know it's a weird thing to say but I am so desperate to know what all this road kill is?"

Admittedly, it has been awhile since we have roughed it even a little. Days and days of no showers and long drop public toilets have been long gone from our recent holidays but I have to say the Kiwi management of their campsites from the most sophisticated to the most basic is just outstanding.
 
As with anything dangerous like negotiating a crevasse or crossing a rickety bridge on a mountain pass or a public porta potty the key bit of advice is don't look down. You always do and regret it but the advice holds true. Yet these potties have all been clean, have ample loo paper and some a hand foam dispenser, full of antibacterial hand foam. I mean, this is luxury in my book.
 
We are only staying at a few proper campsites and are mostly using the very basic DOC (Dept. of Conservation) sites which have no facilities other than said scheisse shack but are in areas of stunning natural beauty which we prefer. We are breaking up our trip with three to four days of scruffing it to one day at a well-appointed campsite where we can shower, use electricity and check Facebook. You know... essentials.
 
So far the DOC sites have been fantastic although it has been an adjustment becoming a campervanner. Given I hate most people and my husband hates everyone caravanners and campervanners have tended to score high up on our despicable you list given they take up the whole road and pootle along and don't give way.
 
Anyway now we have become those we hate has made my poor husband riddled with the guilt of hypocrisy and paranoia. I am quite comfortable with hypocrisy so couldn't care less but he has turned into a nervous meerkat constantly moving over to give way on the roads and poking his little head out to ensure he isn't obscuring some tenting campers view. It has made him nervous and as he hates people who campervan, being one of these folk for 12 days has actually turned him into a guilt ridden considerate person.  Well, to other road users and campers. Let's not go crazy and assume it is to all mankind.
 
I take his point. Campervans are a blight. As convenient, wonderful and fun as they are and ideal for a hassle free camping style holiday with long drives, in New Zealand where the vistas are so dazzling, the last thing you want is to be sitting in your nicely camouflaged tent staring at the mountains when some schmuck in a Winnebago parks in front of it. 

Next Week: Glaciers

Aotearoa Part I

I never set out to make this blog a travel one. After all it's bad enough having to sit through 300 photos of heather and pebbles (I took pictures of pebbles on a beach and then realized it looked like a Microsoft screen saver so deleted it) from someone's holiday and then have to listen to some epic commentary on how chuffing wonderful it was.

I lie.  I love listening to people's enthusiasim for their holidays and every time I think my bucket list is getting shorter a friend shares photos and stories from their travels and I get all excited and have to add another country to my list. I still have a lot of places I want to go to before I die so I had better not die or I will be very cheesed off.

Anyway I appreciate a blog on our trip around the South Island of New Zealand is not really for everyone. But if you do fancy a few little anecdotes from our travels but don't have two days to spare to read it I am breaking it into six parts like Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit combined plus bonus material to be shared over the next few weeks. This provides an ample break between the trilogies x two or the sixologies if that's a word as well as ensures a regular product output from me without having to come up with original content. Win win!

Hope you enjoy it!

What can one say about the South Island of New Zealand. Words honestly fail me. It is breathtakingly beautiful. 

The best way to describe New Zealand is in the vernacular of a Surrey teenager " it was like .... Oh my god ..... Just like ..... Ah..mazing .... I mean ... Like .... Seriously .... Just oh ... My .... God". 

I really cannot put it any better than that, I'm afraid.

Our first stop after flying into Christchurch on the east coast was to then drive back over where we flew to the west coast via Arthur's Pass.  A stunning cut through the Southern Alps. I have included my first holiday photo below just to give you an idea of why Tabitha de FieldHockey Delavigne's description was so apt. 

Given my sons name is Arthur and he was so tickled by the fact such a famous part of the South Island was named after him we desperately wanted to take a photo of him standing in front of an Arthur's Pass sign, ideally with his head obscuring the 'p'. 

There is a fifteen kilometre stretch within Arthur's pass where the weather suddenly turns from fairly warm and sunny to bitterly cold windy and wet and it is quite a shock given you were in shorts and flip flops a few minutes before. As Crowded House rightly said, there are four seasons in one day. What they should have also told you in that song is you also need four seasons clothing in one day or you are going home without one of your toes.

The other characters of great interest in the sub alpine range of Arthur's Pass are the Kea bird. A noisy alpine parrot that has developed quite a reputation as a kleptomaniac. I read about them prior to arriving and assumed them to be the size of a budgie. I nearly fell over when one swooped over my head. These birds are closer in size to a barn owl but more menacing. They are quite beautiful to look at with their brown green and red plumage but they are unshakeable in their persistence. No amount of shooing or hand waving is going to get rid of them. We were warned not to leave anything outside our campervan as hikers have often woken the next morning to find all that's left of their boots is a bit of shredded laces. They have very sharp strong beaks and can remove all the rubber off of the outside of your car.

So while quite sweet they are considered a menace. They are also fairly threatening given they cannot be shooed. They stand in very close proximity and stare at you with a cold cold look and say "I think you and I both know that it is time for you to rack off now because I am going to take that jam sandwich and your Milky Way. I might even come inside and take that marinating lamb chop out of your fridge. And you are going to let me because if you don't I will peck you. I will peck you hard ..... bitch".

Pardon my French. We have had to take a break from the fourth season of Breaking Bad to come on his holiday so I am struggling a little with being unable to feed my addiction to a show about cooking meth. Oh the irony. But irrespective of the Pinkman profanity the parrot did say that. Direct quote.

Next Week:  Campervanning

 

Christmas Crumble

It is my "getting out of Christmas card writing by sending one generic Christmas letter to everybody I know" time of year again.

I have a small confession to make.  I wrote a particularly lengthy Christmas blog last year around the same time but it was so depressing I decided not to post it.  Indeed, I had hoped that 12 months on I would be in better spirits given we have had a fantastic year with a visit back home to the UK in the summer and gallivanting around Asia during the holidays. And Singapore definitely feels more like a second home than it did this time last year.

However, recent events tend to overshadow the joys of months gone by.  I have been slightly laid out the last two weeks which has made me grumpy.  I have only had one fluey virus since arriving in Singapore and have been struck down again with another strange bug.  Given we are in Asia and the head cold and cough hooplah of our northern hemisphere days are different strains to the ones found down south means you tend to get struck down with odd symptoms that last forever.  They do not consist of anything like a cold or cough.  Just lethargy, a feverish feeling without a fever, a grumbling tummy and a nose stink. 

To add insult to illness I got bitten on my face by some flying beastie two weeks ago.  The bite became infected and I have been walking around with an enormous purple boil on my face. 

I refuse to go to the doctors for any of these ailments even though I feel quite lousy as I can imagine for my nose stink (I assume this is a sinus problem) and my heavy head I will be sent for an MRI and I believe the routine testing for an infected zit is a colonoscopy.

So you will forgive my poor mood.

On top of all of that Christmas time is very nearly upon us and if I forget about my diseases I should be getting very excited as we are not going to be in Singapore for Christmas but going on holiday instead.

Christmas in the stifling heat is a miserable experience and one I never ever want to do again after last year.  I know the region has been managing just fine for many years with hot 25th but I am afraid it really isn't for me.  I want the cold, the log fire (and not on an Ipad app), long weekend walks with a freezing face and a nice glass of mulled wine and mince pie on my return.

So we are departing the island on Christmas Eve and not returning until January 10th 2015 if you are interested in burglary.

We have never been away at Christmas since having the children and I am in a little bit of a quandary what with Santa having a fairly strict delivery schedule.  We have always had a bit of a problem with explaining Santa's movements.  Does Santa bring all the presents or just the stocking presents?  And if he brings the presents under the tree then why do they say "To Clemily lots of love from Goompa" and that sort of thing.  Surely they should all say "Love from Santa".  It is terribly confusing.  We have fudged the issue in the past by saying the Christmas tree presents are from us as a family and the stocking presents are from Santa.  Luckily our children are too stupid to question this cockeyed logic given both materialise on the 25th of December.

This year we are leaving on the 24th so do you think we can ask Santa to deliver the tree presents early or just put them out on the 23rd night without an explanation?  And what about the stockings?  We are taking them with us on holiday but how will Santa get them into the hand luggage in the overhead lockers while we are en route?  He is magical so it shouldn't be a problem although I do feel a little bad that the kids will be opening their stockings in an airport.

Actually I should not feel bad as frankly no presents should be given this year as we are taking them on a holiday of a lifetime.  Admittedly it is our holiday of a lifetime as opposed to theirs but still, the holiday in itself should be their best Christmas present ever.

I am feeling particularly mean about Christmas presents this year after watching a short video of a young Argentinian boy receiving a present on his birthday from his parents who were struggling for money.  He was given a chopping board and on opening it he smiled and embraced his mother with genuine thanks.  Then his parents told him they had a surprise present under the table.  The parents had scrimped and saved to buy him a small tablet pc and if you have seen the video and the little boys reaction it not only melts your heart but questions everything you have done so far as a parent.  He cries his little heart out with gratitude and before he can even open it or play with it he embraces his parents again.

This video has had a huge impact on me and touched me so much that I really have been reviewing how I have raised my kids who in the main are okay, as far as kids go.  Although, when I showed the clip to them and said look at this sweet child and how grateful he is to his parents because he understands the sacrifices they have made to get him this special present, my five year old said "oh my god.... this is so boring.... it's just some boy crying".  Yes, nice children indeed. Compassionless gits.

So I am on a mission this Christmas to get my children to understand the value of money and to appreciate how lucky they are. You would think this would be simple but it isn't.  In fact I think it is too late.

I was thinking back to my childhood and all the Christmas's past.  My parents were not well off but we lived a comfortable life.  We had close family and friends who kindly bought me presents for Christmas but my parents would only buy me one and it was the same form for birthdays.  I remember being overjoyed with it as well as all the other lovely gifts I was fortunate enough to receive from generous Aunts and Uncles.

When I think about my passions now however, it really isn't for things.  My biggest love is travelling and I have come to the conclusion the reason I am so obsessed with holidays and travelling and seeing the world is because we never ever went on a single family holiday EVER.  My father was married to his job and even though we had the means to go away we never did and I am not talking about anywhere exotic.  Just a short trip somewhere in the UK would have been wonderful. I think my desperation to see the world perhaps stems from the fact I saw nothing of it for the first 23 years of my life.

My other great passion is interiors.  I can once again blame my parents for this because we had the most grotesque furniture when I was growing up.  In fact when my Dad's bosses came over for dinner one night in the early 1980s one of them remarked that our front room looked like a funeral home as we had dark purple walls and not the lovely Farrow and Ball kind but proper, dark vampiric purple.  We had orange, black and red swirly carpet, which my Dad would not get rid of because we could not afford to but mainly because he thought it was Axminster and a hand me down sofa set that was made out of hay and the colour of cheesy wotsits.  Thank God the heavens opened in 1987 and our house was completely flooded.

Anyway, I am rambling on.  I think the passions you have as an adult, certainly in my case, stem from what you were deprived of as a child.  Mine is travel and I feel endlessly guilty about it.  Mainly because my friend is holding me and all other parents who take their children travelling around the world responsible for the destruction of the environment, the hole in the ozone layer and general demise of the earth.  I still think Chinese industry and cow farts are more to blame than me but I do take her points on carbon footprints and wastage. 

Yet while I know these trips are great extravagances I am still so excited, thankful and grateful that we are able to do them. And this is where my problem lies.  What have my children been deprived of in their short lives?  Absolutely nothing!  We certainly don't buy them much and I stick to my parents' rule of no present unless it's Birthdays or Christmas but even on those occasions, it is not one present but two or three and four plus thanks to our soppy idiocy for our children and kind hearted friends and family.  How can they appreciate what they have when they have so much?

My immediate reaction to that heartening video of the little Argentinian boy along with all the other internet trolls on the conversation thread was "yeah, bloody kids nowadays, all spoilt brats" etc etc but really it isn't their fault it is ours as parents. 

Like I say, generally I think my kids are quite nice, reasonably polite and appreciative (well, the big one is) but given how lucky they are what on earth are they going to want into adulthood?

For my 7 year old daughter, her huge desire at the moment is to have her ears pierced and wear a bikini.  I have forbidden the bikini because looking sexy on a beach should not be in the scope of being 7 years old.  I have also denied her the earrings as I think she is too young although I have no logical reason for why I think this.  Based on this I can only assume my daughter at the age of 39 will be writing her blog saying how she was so deprived as a child she pierced every single bit of her anatomy including her internal organs while not leaving her house because she was fed up of travelling.

I have no idea how to answer this question of not depriving ones children but still keeping them humble and appreciative of the lives they have while so many around the world their age have nothing.  We will just keep plodding along and trying to do our best and hope by the time the kids are grown up they will no longer be emotionless compassionless gits and if they aren't then we will go back to the old fashioned way of instilling good values in them by hitting them with a belt.

So after all of my Christmas preachy parenting plight I guess thoughts move to next year.

The small child and retarded adult in me are particularly excited about next summer.  Avengers Age of Ultron, Kung Fu Panda III, Star Wars and Jurassic World are all out next year.  I am hoping when I see Jurassic World I don't suffer the same fate that I did in 1993 when seeing Jurassic Park with a friend on its first day of general release. I was so scared and tense through the whole movie that my legs fell asleep during those three hours and I fell down two flights of stairs after getting up from my seat.

Other than that we are back in the UK for a short time in the Summer and are once again making the most of our time in Asia to see the region as best as we can.  So there is plenty to be thankful and excited about.

Unfortunately, a year does not go by anymore without us losing someone we love. And this year has been particularly heart breaking.  For all of you whose lives are a little less bright due to loss, please know that we love you and will be wishing you strength during this time of year when absences are so much harder to bear.

Finally, given I will shortly be hitting an age when I will be swapping one unpleasant routine female examination for another unpleasant routine female examination, it does put into perspective what is important in life and with that, all I wish for you, your partners, your children and your families is the very very best of health and happiness and all our love for a peaceful Christmas and New Year.